Coming back from my skiing holiday I felt upbeat about returning into the Kimeera nest. I was looking forward to seeing my fellow folkers, telling them the great tales from my holiday adventure like only a wise man like me could tell.

I arrive at the office; early I might add, open the door and see that the office layout has changed. So I say hello to my good friend the tebbster, and ponder around the office to find where my new desk is.

I finish walking around the office and can’t seem to find a position for myself, this is not good news one of the voices in my head tells me. Then the tebbster, looking startled, arose to his feet and bellowed “Hawk, Master Benbow, I think yee is sitting over yonder” and with his walking stick pointed to a desk far far into the abyss.

I travelled many meters, through dark forests, Rocky Mountains, shark infested fish tanks and past Leona’s volcanic heaters to arrive at my remote desk, which may as well be positioned in the car park!

A couple of days later a new desk is built and put onto the space where the rest of the office males are situated, and looking through my powerful binoculars, I think, this could be my chance. So I write a message, tie it onto one of my carrier pigeons and send it across to the evil Charlotte to enquire about this desk, hoping that maybe I can sit there.

Minutes later a rock hits me on the head; I suffer a mild concussion, but manage to get my wits about me and I notice that there is a message attached to the rock, which says “Stuff you Ryan, even though you are an extremely attractive man, you can stay where you are and never return” which was signed with Charlotte’s signature.

Throughout the past days I have tried many different tactics, and have made a good case to return back into the office. I have created a facebook group, shed many tears, fought a lion, ate an entire table, danced the river dance with a sword in my mouth, jumped through fire, swam with 3 sharks and have even touched robs beard (not nice).

So if you think this torment should end and that I should be allowed to return into the civilised world, please vote for me in our online poll, and I will be extremely grateful.

Loves and Kisses, your favourite folker

Ryan Benbow

Fancy adding your jokes to our telephone system hold music?

Below are a list of the jokes that are currently being played when you’re put on hold on our swanky new telephone system…

A woman walked into a pet shop and asked to buy a wasp. The man behind the counter said “We don’t sell them”, so i said “Why is there one in the window then?” – Charlotte

What do you call a pig with 3 eyes?
A Piiig – Matt

What do you call a woman with the Titanic on her head?
Mandy Lifeboats – Eddie

2 cannibals eating a clown. 1 says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?” – Eddie

I went to a seafood diso the other night. I pulled a muscle – Ryan

Where do you find a one legged dog? Wherever you left it – Charlotte

DO YOU HAVE ANY JOKES YOU’D LIKE TO ADD TO OUR TELEPHONE SYSTEM??

Comment now!!!

Charlotte

* the joke has to be voted funny by the Kimeera folk (but based on our standards you should be fine!)

There are moments in life where the planets align perfectly and the air lies breathless in expectation when the Johnson’s eye each other…needing only the simplest “C’mon Charlotte” encouragement to transform a modest studio into an arena of pain. The film you are about to see was recorded when, as usual, Eddie (Studio Director) started beating his chest, antagonising his sister, Charlotte (Marketing Manager) into a reception area deathmatch (a first in corporate Britain we reckon). The clients who arrived are one of the biggest in Kimeera’s history which made the moment even more perfect. C’mon Charlotte!!!!

Friday morning – 8:30am – the sun is shining bright and the pink magenta boards marched to Caunt Road, Grantham.

A mixture of surprise, shock, intrigue, a few grins, and the odd grump was clearly visible on the faces of the daily commuters to Springfield House.

The question on everyone’s lips though – what the heck was that? Well it wasn’t anything political, we weren’t complaining, just saying a friendly hello.

If you’d like to book a seat on one of our FREE seminar’s please visit www.kimeeraseminars.com or ask for Charlotte – 0845 260 6057.

Anyways, more piccies…

Scott…

Kate…

Ryan…

Charlotte…

Thomas…

John…

Leona…